Life itself being a journey consists of several small journeys.
Each journey comes with its own set of experiences and leaves behind footprints.
Capturing my first plane journey (Mumbai to Chennai), as another chapter in my
life was about to unfold.
The night was about to die and was counting its last moments. I was sailing through the security check at the Mumbai domestic airport with those metal detectors scanning me for any possible source of reverse magnetic field. The atmosphere was electrifying (thanks to the several Air hostesses) and I was about to fly with the Maharaja himself. So as to experience the pleasure of flying with the Maharaja, one has to often fly at odd times of the day like 4:30 a.m. as was the case with me. Just have a look at the flight schedules during the peak times and you will sense the benevolence of the Maharaja, taking rest at the peak times and allowing the rest of the ‘fishers’ to be the kings. Even those kings are struggling with their high debts, leaving their brand ambassadors in two pieces on the calendars. With an honest aviation minister, I doubt that the two-piece will remain at its place (Damn! I hate this corruption).
I boarded onto a bus at the specified gate and through the glasses
of the window, I got a glimpse of another creation (aeroplane) which flies high
in the sky, courtesy its shape (I didn’t say figure). Out of curiosity, I tried
to calculate its shape in my mind; could it be anything like 360-2400-360? (Looking
at it from the top), Leave it! That bus dropped me near the mobile staircase which
was placed beneath the door of the aeroplane.
As soon as I climbed those stairs and entered the aeroplane,
I was welcomed by a sweet smile (stretching her lips to the fullest and still
covering the teeth, maybe it was too early to have brushed). My gaze fell on
her muscles and they made me realize that the hypothesis which I have made
about the correlation between the shape and the probability to fly is not valid
with the Maharaja (May be she was slim at the time before Jesus Christ and now multitasks
by also performing the act of load balancing by shifting to the side having
fewer loads). She was accompanied by a clean shaven guy, in welcoming the passengers
(Why should boys have all the fun?). While looking at him a thought crossed my
mind, are they trying to remove the prevalent gender bias in our society or are
they catering to the needs of modern day customers (You never know who comes
with what taste).
I headed towards interior of the plane; the seats were
cramped closely so as to make use of most of the carpet space. There were two
emergency exits in the middle which would open onto the wings (When in air they
could also be called as ‘doorway to hell’). It being a domestic flight there
was only one section in the plane (No business for separate business section to
be in the business).
I occupied one of the many empty seats, a lady passenger who
could give complex to any airhostess walked in and as she approached me, I strongly
felt that the empty seat beside me had no right to remain vacant. But that seat
reminded me about the democracy in our country (remained empty) and the seat on
the opposite side was occupied instead. Soon a guy walked in and settled in the
seat beside her and within no time, he held her hand firmly as if that miss
will go missing (Had I have been aware of the fact that you can hold the hand
of your co-passenger in an aeroplane, I would have been more careful while
giving the seat preference).But soon my eyes fell upon the tag of tag heuer in
his hand which cleared my misconception and told me the probable reason. Either
earn it on your own or get it from your ancestors, once you have it, you can
have plenty of them in your hands (I am talking about watches).
A lazy voice coming from the front drew my attention, “Ladies
and hmmm gentleman, I welcome hmmm you all” the captain of the plane was making
the announcement as if someone was forcing him to announce by pointing a gun to
his head; he continued “we will land in Chennai hmmm at 6:20” (provided that
pilots’ association does not call for strike in-between, as every now and then
they strike the strike). The guy who was welcoming everyone vanished into the
cabin and was replaced by another ‘typical’ airhostess who could maintain sufficient
levels of ‘eye’ vitamins in the ambience (Hold on. Hypothesis couldn’t be
rejected).
Then those airhostesses demonstrated how to fix the seat belt
and how to use the life saving jackets which would be useful in water. Suddenly
a negative thought struck my mind, if the aeroplane crashes on the rest of the
30% of earth which is not water, then those life saving jackets will be of no
use (But then, if one can’t ignore that probability then only thing one can do
is never buy a return ticket).Those airhostesses ensured that each passenger
had fixed the seat-belts after which they walked freely most of the time. Seat-belts
are critical as they bind the passengers to their seats and ensure the safety
of both, the passenger and more importantly the airhostess.
The aeroplane which was stationary till now, slowly started
moving (or walking). After each passing minute, I was feeling that it would
take off now but it didn’t and it continued for a while, until it came on the
main runway. The aeroplane took his (sorry her) own time demonstrating the fact
that even before thinking about flying, you have to walk a few miles. Now it
gained momentum and started running faster and faster until those thrilling
moments when the plane changed the inclination with the ground; and my body
started tilting from 0 to 10 to 20 to almost 45 degrees....Booooom... Within a few
minutes, I was flying high in the sky and about to sing the song” Aaj main
upar, aasman neeche.......Tell me O Khuda, ab me kya karu?” and the only reply
God would have given me was: “Do whatever you want son but with that seat belt
around you”, as he always cares for us.
Through the window of the aeroplane, Mumbai looked as
beautiful as ever with all those multi storied buildings lightened up (thanks
to Reliance Energy) and the sea link was grabbing the eye balls (Don’t miss the
word ‘eye’). As the plane flew over Mumbai, the airhostesses served water in bottles
to all the passengers. Those bottles were so small that glasses no longer
remained a valid unit of measurement for drinking. After drinking that water,
you would say, I just had two small pegs of water (Cheers!!!). What a misery,
you ask a villager for water and he will give it in a bowl that you couldn’t
hold with a single hand. Maybe, the higher we go, the narrower becomes our
hearts.
The airhostesses then started serving the tea n snacks, that
picture made me wonder if this profile was worth all that hype and aren’t they
wasting their other talents by utilizing only one? (Even though most people exclaim
that society should change the way it looks at women; they enjoy getting served
by these airhostess none the less).
So, as to get the much needed boost of energy, I decided to
pay Rs.60 for a cup of tea and in return was served hot water in a paper cup, a
tea bag, milk powder (Being fed up with the ever increasing demand due to the
population explosion, I guess most of the buffalos are putting in their papers)
and a sugar free pouch. Why sugar free? I thought about having a few words
(couldn’t dare to argue) with that heavily-built airhostess. I glared at her
and in return all that she gave me was a sweet smile. The combined effect of
her muscles and that sweet smile made me change my mind. Fearing those heavy
muscles, the word ‘free’ from sugar-free vanished and the sweet smile added the
much needed sweetness to my beverage that I enjoyed, something which tasted a
bit like tea (still worth the Rs.60).
The sky outside was still dark and I threw a glance at that
couple sitting beside me through the corner of my eye (these are times when you
realize that your eye-balls can rotate in almost 180 degrees); her hand was
still in his (Imagination often travels faster than light and seldom matches with
reality). There was a sudden change in the hue which made me look outside. The
huge canvass of the sky was sheding its black cloak and was putting on a
saffron veil with a tinge of blue in it. That saffron colour had enveloped the
horizon at the most sacred time of the day (and that to without the need of any
reservation). I had completed one more trip around the sun along with the earth
(There is no free lunch but there sure is a free ride).The sun was staring at
me from across the horizon and I stared right back into his eyes (removing my glasses)
as I didn’t want anything in between (Just be at the right place at the right
time; you can do the unthinkable). Now with those sunrays, all the rivers and hills
below seemed to appear like small dots. Similarly, when a person reaches the
top, his ego becomes so huge that everything else appears negligible. And as
beautifully said by someone: “With Ego, either I go or You go”.
I stared out of the window for some time and when it became boring;
I decided to make a visit to the loo (or washroom, whatever), and being there
curiosity got the better of me and made me observe the architecture. I wondered
if it is an open system like that of a train which communicates directly with the
rail track (Rail tracks serve the Indian public more than the Indian rail
itself). I then realized, it had to be a closed system (Could it be the reason
behind that small size of the water bottle??). After doing the needful, I came
back to my seat (I promise! In next blog, I will not mention the washroom).
After some time, the fickle weather showed its presence and the
horizon was filled with milky clouds. It looked as if someone had taken the words
”Daag acchhe hai” a little too seriously and left the Surf excel with the water
all over the horizon and had forgotten to place the cloths in them. Suddenly, I
started searching for someone across the horizon, above the clouds and it
cleared one more misconception of mine; that angels don’t stay above the clouds
(Nowadays, they either become airhostesses or go hand in hand tagged with Tag Heuers).
Then, my sleep deprived eyes surrendered at about 35,000 feet
above the sea-level (On the ground, you close your eyes and see airhostesses,
but in here you open them to do so). Then a familiar voice with an inherent
laziness in it brought me to my senses:”Ladies and hmmm Gentleman, the temperature
outside is hmmm 42˚c, and hmmm we are on time (God knows
how) and we hmmm will be landing in 15 minutes”.
The plane was moving through dense clouds and everything outside appeared stationary. Despite moving at the speed of almost 10 km/minute, it felt as though the pilot had pressed the pause button and was enjoying a power nap (Pilots are one of those blessed people who get company even while “accidently’’ leaving this world. On the flip side, they would be the first ones on the hit list, if Yamraj is running short of his month-end targets).
The plane came out of those clouds and those small buildings
in Chennai became visible (Chennai will have to grow several times even to reach
the shoulder of Mumbai). The plane passed over the Chennai airport and moving eastwards
entered into the Bay of Bengal (the runway at the airport might have been busy).
I realized that Ravana might have followed a similar path when he had kidnapped
Sita in his ‘Pushpaka Vimana’ and was moving towards Sri Lanka. Ghor kaliyug. Here
the modern Ram (yours truly) was sitting on a seat staring aimlessly into the
sea and the other two characters were seating hand in hand nearby (If Ravana
would have been alive today, he would have filed a defamation suit against the
makers of Raavan and Ra-one for ruining his name).
The plane then took a U-turn over the sea (the pilot must
have got permission to land) and it landed at the Chennai airport after almost
kissing those small buildings in Chennai. After being thanked for choosing Air
India (in a way joining the noble cause as your hard earned money will go for
the upliftment of poor in the society i.e. ministers and beaurocrats), I put my
best foot forward on the soil of Chennai (If you can’t remember which foot you
put forward then just say the best foot).
The distance of 1100 km was covered in less than 100 minutes;
technology has really made the world flat. Other than a few moments, which were
fascinating as it was my first experience (except the airhostess); rest of the
journey was boring if compared to a bus journey.
In a bus journey which
costs you a few Rupees, the trees and other things running all over the places
gives you a run for your money. The potholes which come along with our world
class infrastructure reminds you that several parts of your body do still exist
and also helps digest everything in the stomach (even without Hajmola). Also,
the thrill of continually keeping a watch on the bus conductor as he has all
the intentions in the world of running away with the few Rupees change he owes
you, adds the icing to the cake. That homeward bus journey still appears more
exciting to me.
May be too much of technology,
machines and planning (exclude family planning) is taking away all the rawness
and excitement from life and the journey of life is becoming 'plain'.
Isn’t that ‘cutting
chai’ (tea) at the roadside tapri still way better than the coffee from the vending
machine??
Isn’t Jerry (from Tom
and Jerry) the most popular ‘mouse’ even in this computerised world??
What say??
Cheers!!!!
Mahesh.
Classic !
ReplyDeleteAnother beautiful feather in the cap; I must say.
The straight from the heart style of writing is worth mentioning and the fact that with ever blog the writer seems to be maturing is credit-worthy.
A must read for any tired soul looking to rejuvenate / tickle one's funny bone!
Maams absolutely stunning...engayo poita(reached heights)..
ReplyDeleteI never boarded a flight bt nt until I read this one...
I know u like to scribble ur signature all over ur notebooks..bt d way u r goin..in near future..ul get more spaces to do so..bt dey may cal it autograph..he he..
Keep it up buddy...
Hilarious and supremely entertaining !! Godse has done it again ! :D :D
ReplyDeleteReally liked the simple way of putting things... Hat's off :)
ReplyDeleteLoved it Mahesh!!! Keep it going :)
ReplyDeleteEnjoyed it ..Got reminded of my first air travel .
ReplyDeleteAmazing aahe re!! Jinklas mitra!! Khishat taklas!!
ReplyDeleteAwesone! Anything more than this would not have done justice tjis article ! Salute! It was worth the wait!!
ReplyDeleteGreat piece of fun mixed with experience. Very nicely written dude !! It reminded me of my first air experience. You are getting better with your every blog. I am just awaiting your book.
ReplyDelete