A plane journey

Life itself being a journey consists of several small journeys. Each journey comes with its own set of experiences and leaves behind footprints. Capturing my first plane journey (Mumbai to Chennai), as another chapter in my life was about to unfold.

The night was about to die and was counting its last moments. I was sailing through the security check at the Mumbai domestic airport with those metal detectors scanning me for any possible source of reverse magnetic field. The atmosphere was electrifying (thanks to the several Air hostesses) and I was about to fly with the Maharaja himself. So as to experience the pleasure of flying with the Maharaja, one has to often fly at odd times of the day like 4:30 a.m. as was the case with me. Just have a look at the flight schedules during the peak times and you will sense the benevolence of the Maharaja, taking rest at the peak times and allowing the rest of the ‘fishers’ to be the kings. Even those kings are struggling with their high debts, leaving their brand ambassadors in two pieces on the calendars. With an honest aviation minister, I doubt that the two-piece will remain at its place (Damn! I hate this corruption).

I boarded onto a bus at the specified gate and through the glasses of the window, I got a glimpse of another creation (aeroplane) which flies high in the sky, courtesy its shape (I didn’t say figure). Out of curiosity, I tried to calculate its shape in my mind; could it be anything like 360-2400-360? (Looking at it from the top), Leave it! That bus dropped me near the mobile staircase which was placed beneath the door of the aeroplane.

As soon as I climbed those stairs and entered the aeroplane, I was welcomed by a sweet smile (stretching her lips to the fullest and still covering the teeth, maybe it was too early to have brushed). My gaze fell on her muscles and they made me realize that the hypothesis which I have made about the correlation between the shape and the probability to fly is not valid with the Maharaja (May be she was slim at the time before Jesus Christ and now multitasks by also performing the act of load balancing by shifting to the side having fewer loads). She was accompanied by a clean shaven guy, in welcoming the passengers (Why should boys have all the fun?). While looking at him a thought crossed my mind, are they trying to remove the prevalent gender bias in our society or are they catering to the needs of modern day customers (You never know who comes with what taste).

I headed towards interior of the plane; the seats were cramped closely so as to make use of most of the carpet space. There were two emergency exits in the middle which would open onto the wings (When in air they could also be called as ‘doorway to hell’). It being a domestic flight there was only one section in the plane (No business for separate business section to be in the business).

I occupied one of the many empty seats, a lady passenger who could give complex to any airhostess walked in and as she approached me, I strongly felt that the empty seat beside me had no right to remain vacant. But that seat reminded me about the democracy in our country (remained empty) and the seat on the opposite side was occupied instead. Soon a guy walked in and settled in the seat beside her and within no time, he held her hand firmly as if that miss will go missing (Had I have been aware of the fact that you can hold the hand of your co-passenger in an aeroplane, I would have been more careful while giving the seat preference).But soon my eyes fell upon the tag of tag heuer in his hand which cleared my misconception and told me the probable reason. Either earn it on your own or get it from your ancestors, once you have it, you can have plenty of them in your hands (I am talking about watches).

 

A lazy voice coming from the front drew my attention, “Ladies and hmmm gentleman, I welcome hmmm you all” the captain of the plane was making the announcement as if someone was forcing him to announce by pointing a gun to his head; he continued “we will land in Chennai hmmm at 6:20” (provided that pilots’ association does not call for strike in-between, as every now and then they strike the strike). The guy who was welcoming everyone vanished into the cabin and was replaced by another ‘typical’ airhostess who could maintain sufficient levels of ‘eye’ vitamins in the ambience (Hold on. Hypothesis couldn’t be rejected).

Then those airhostesses demonstrated how to fix the seat belt and how to use the life saving jackets which would be useful in water. Suddenly a negative thought struck my mind, if the aeroplane crashes on the rest of the 30% of earth which is not water, then those life saving jackets will be of no use (But then, if one can’t ignore that probability then only thing one can do is never buy a return ticket).Those airhostesses ensured that each passenger had fixed the seat-belts after which they walked freely most of the time. Seat-belts are critical as they bind the passengers to their seats and ensure the safety of both, the passenger and more importantly the airhostess.

The aeroplane which was stationary till now, slowly started moving (or walking). After each passing minute, I was feeling that it would take off now but it didn’t and it continued for a while, until it came on the main runway. The aeroplane took his (sorry her) own time demonstrating the fact that even before thinking about flying, you have to walk a few miles. Now it gained momentum and started running faster and faster until those thrilling moments when the plane changed the inclination with the ground; and my body started tilting from 0 to 10 to 20 to almost 45 degrees....Booooom... Within a few minutes, I was flying high in the sky and about to sing the song” Aaj main upar, aasman neeche.......Tell me O Khuda, ab me kya karu?” and the only reply God would have given me was: “Do whatever you want son but with that seat belt around you”, as he always cares for us.

Through the window of the aeroplane, Mumbai looked as beautiful as ever with all those multi storied buildings lightened up (thanks to Reliance Energy) and the sea link was grabbing the eye balls (Don’t miss the word ‘eye’). As the plane flew over Mumbai, the airhostesses served water in bottles to all the passengers. Those bottles were so small that glasses no longer remained a valid unit of measurement for drinking. After drinking that water, you would say, I just had two small pegs of water (Cheers!!!). What a misery, you ask a villager for water and he will give it in a bowl that you couldn’t hold with a single hand. Maybe, the higher we go, the narrower becomes our hearts. 

The airhostesses then started serving the tea n snacks, that picture made me wonder if this profile was worth all that hype and aren’t they wasting their other talents by utilizing only one? (Even though most people exclaim that society should change the way it looks at women; they enjoy getting served by these airhostess none the less).

So, as to get the much needed boost of energy, I decided to pay Rs.60 for a cup of tea and in return was served hot water in a paper cup, a tea bag, milk powder (Being fed up with the ever increasing demand due to the population explosion, I guess most of the buffalos are putting in their papers) and a sugar free pouch. Why sugar free? I thought about having a few words (couldn’t dare to argue) with that heavily-built airhostess. I glared at her and in return all that she gave me was a sweet smile. The combined effect of her muscles and that sweet smile made me change my mind. Fearing those heavy muscles, the word ‘free’ from sugar-free vanished and the sweet smile added the much needed sweetness to my beverage that I enjoyed, something which tasted a bit like tea (still worth the Rs.60).

The sky outside was still dark and I threw a glance at that couple sitting beside me through the corner of my eye (these are times when you realize that your eye-balls can rotate in almost 180 degrees); her hand was still in his (Imagination often travels faster than light and seldom matches with reality). There was a sudden change in the hue which made me look outside. The huge canvass of the sky was sheding its black cloak and was putting on a saffron veil with a tinge of blue in it. That saffron colour had enveloped the horizon at the most sacred time of the day (and that to without the need of any reservation). I had completed one more trip around the sun along with the earth (There is no free lunch but there sure is a free ride).The sun was staring at me from across the horizon and I stared right back into his eyes (removing my glasses) as I didn’t want anything in between (Just be at the right place at the right time; you can do the unthinkable). Now with those sunrays, all the rivers and hills below seemed to appear like small dots. Similarly, when a person reaches the top, his ego becomes so huge that everything else appears negligible. And as beautifully said by someone: “With Ego, either I go or You go”.

I stared out of the window for some time and when it became boring; I decided to make a visit to the loo (or washroom, whatever), and being there curiosity got the better of me and made me observe the architecture. I wondered if it is an open system like that of a train which communicates directly with the rail track (Rail tracks serve the Indian public more than the Indian rail itself). I then realized, it had to be a closed system (Could it be the reason behind that small size of the water bottle??). After doing the needful, I came back to my seat (I promise! In next blog, I will not mention the washroom).

After some time, the fickle weather showed its presence and the horizon was filled with milky clouds. It looked as if someone had taken the words ”Daag acchhe hai” a little too seriously and left the Surf excel with the water all over the horizon and had forgotten to place the cloths in them. Suddenly, I started searching for someone across the horizon, above the clouds and it cleared one more misconception of mine; that angels don’t stay above the clouds (Nowadays, they either become airhostesses or go hand in hand tagged with Tag Heuers).

Then, my sleep deprived eyes surrendered at about 35,000 feet above the sea-level (On the ground, you close your eyes and see airhostesses, but in here you open them to do so). Then a familiar voice with an inherent laziness in it brought me to my senses:”Ladies and hmmm Gentleman, the temperature outside is hmmm 42˚c, and hmmm we are on time (God knows how) and we hmmm will be landing in 15 minutes”.

The plane was moving through dense clouds and everything outside appeared stationary. Despite moving at the speed of almost 10 km/minute, it felt as though  the pilot had pressed the pause button and was enjoying a power nap (Pilots are one of those blessed people who get company even while “accidently’’ leaving this world. On the flip side, they would be the first ones on the hit list, if Yamraj is running short of his month-end targets).

The plane came out of those clouds and those small buildings in Chennai became visible (Chennai will have to grow several times even to reach the shoulder of Mumbai). The plane passed over the Chennai airport and moving eastwards entered into the Bay of Bengal (the runway at the airport might have been busy). I realized that Ravana might have followed a similar path when he had kidnapped Sita in his ‘Pushpaka Vimana’ and was moving towards Sri Lanka. Ghor kaliyug. Here the modern Ram (yours truly) was sitting on a seat staring aimlessly into the sea and the other two characters were seating hand in hand nearby (If Ravana would have been alive today, he would have filed a defamation suit against the makers of Raavan and Ra-one for ruining his name).

The plane then took a U-turn over the sea (the pilot must have got permission to land) and it landed at the Chennai airport after almost kissing those small buildings in Chennai. After being thanked for choosing Air India (in a way joining the noble cause as your hard earned money will go for the upliftment of poor in the society i.e. ministers and beaurocrats), I put my best foot forward on the soil of Chennai (If you can’t remember which foot you put forward then just say the best foot).

The distance of 1100 km was covered in less than 100 minutes; technology has really made the world flat. Other than a few moments, which were fascinating as it was my first experience (except the airhostess); rest of the journey was boring if compared to a bus journey.

In a bus journey which costs you a few Rupees, the trees and other things running all over the places gives you a run for your money. The potholes which come along with our world class infrastructure reminds you that several parts of your body do still exist and also helps digest everything in the stomach (even without Hajmola). Also, the thrill of continually keeping a watch on the bus conductor as he has all the intentions in the world of running away with the few Rupees change he owes you, adds the icing to the cake. That homeward bus journey still appears more exciting to me.  

May be too much of technology, machines and planning (exclude family planning) is taking away all the rawness and excitement from life and the journey of life is becoming 'plain'.

Isn’t that ‘cutting chai’ (tea) at the roadside tapri still way better than the coffee from the vending machine??

Isn’t Jerry (from Tom and Jerry) the most popular ‘mouse’ even in this computerised world??

What say??

Cheers!!!!

Mahesh.